Surveyor

Looking down on what I have created for myself. With neither pride or regret. Only learning what I need to learn in order to continue forward on the best possible path.

Where I lead I follow. I set my own path. I follow it without fear. I don't go forward with expectations. Only a strong sense of who I am.

Holding On

I've been working on learning to let go of things that are not healthy to hold on to. Like anger. Frustration. Disappointment.

The person who is punished the most when I can't let go is me. If I am angry, frustrated or disappointed the person, persons or entity that has caused this reaction continues on completely unaware of their affect.

Letting go of these feelings and allowing myself a clean slate gives me back what I let someone else take away from me.

A song by my favorite band Tool speaks about this in the song The Grudge. Lyrics below:


The Grudge

Wear the grudge like a crown of negativity.
Calculate what we will or will not tolerate.
Desperate to control all and everything.
Unable to forgive your scarlet lettermen.

Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down.
Justify denials and grip 'em to the lonesome end.
Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down.
Terrified of being wrong. Ultimatum prison cell.

Saturn ascends, choose one or ten. Hang on or be humbled again.

Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down.
Justify denials and grip 'em to the lonesome end.
Saturn ascends, comes round again.
Saturn ascends, the one, the ten. Ignorant to the damage done.

Wear the grudge like a crown of negativity.
Calculate what we will or will not tolerate.
Desperate to control all and everything.
Unable to forgive your scarlet lettermen.

Wear the grudge like a crown. Desperate to control.
Unable to forgive. And we're sinking deeper.

Defining, confining, controlling, and we're sinking deeper.

Saturn comes back around to show you everything
Let's you choose what you will not see and then
Drags you down like a stone or lifts you up again
Spits you out like a child, light and innocent.

Saturn comes back around. Lifts you up like a child or
Drags you down like a stone
To consume you till you choose to let this go.

Give away the stone.
Let the oceans take and transmutate this cold and fated anchor.
Give away the stone.
Let the waters kiss and transmutate these leaden grudges into gold.
Let go.

Possibilities

Much going on over the next month. Much good and much not as good but necessary. I'm sure I'll blather on endlessly in the meantime.

So many paths we can take in our lives. So many directions to go. Choosing the right path when I am being pulled in so many directions is difficult for me.

I like to always make the very best possible choice. Sometimes I think I try too hard.

My life always seems to have periods where there is a lot happening all at the same time. So many decisions to make. But it's the decisions being made that affect me that I have no control over that really bother me. I'm a control freak. I want others to live their lives but I want to have control over my own.

Branches in the path. So many possibilities.